Darkness Until Dawn

    I'm working on some new writing projects. I hope of my various ideas to have something new to post soon. I'm trying to minimize distractions.

    I think this is my opportunity. I've been somewhere between The Metamorphosis and The Invisible Man. Maybe I can come out new. Maybe this is my chance to reinvent myself and wipe the slate clean. Everyone thinking they got me figured out, maybe I can disrupt the game. I've been changing the players. But I need to change the story too. It's not enough to clear away the Bipolar and all the rules that it came with. I need to reinvent. I really do need to start over, but without moving. Maybe I can find a way to do that. I'm tired of maintaining this persona. It makes no sense. Full of contradictions. The world is moving. If I can't catch up, maybe I can change the rules. Maybe there's a better way to write this story. I do have a name. I have to decide what that name stands for. My words and actions will make the difference.

    In a way this dystonia thing provides me with an expected opportunity: To put to rest the bipolar BS. I had no choice but to stop aripiprazole. The involuntary muscle movements were painful, and were waking me up from sleep. So I had to stop the medication. This means I am on no Bipolar medication: No mood stabilizers, no antipsychotics, plenty of antidepressants, and a stimulant. So I should definitely become manic if I am truly bipolar. So far I see no signs. Keep in mind the original diagnosis was made after a reaction to a medication and a lot of indoctrination. Either I'll go stark raving mad or I'll finally be free. It will be a relief to know the truth regardless of how it turns out. 

I'm spending some time in meditation today, continuing to strive for that inner peace. I'm also filling my well of writing ideas and continuing to experiment with different writing projects. 

  Arachnids marching 3 by 3 huzzah! Huzzah!

    I can understand why some people are frustrated. We see the present through the lens of our understanding of the past. For a lot of the Bipolar education and treatment, it was only me and a doctor. They don't know the extent to which I was misled and miseducated. All they know is their experience: It's been chaotic, with a lot of meds and theory. It would be much easier if it was all just made up, rather than a misinterpretation. It takes a lot of energy and time to entertain misconceptions. I don't have that energy and time. It's a waste of energy and time. That's why I focus on basic symptoms that everyone can agree on: things like dystonia. I'm focusing on my strengths: written words. I'm focusing on basics: proper nutrition and managing my finances. We have limited time on this earth; I hope to create something with my words. Something people can enjoy... stories and poems.      I have to have some truth in my life, even if everyone else is in love w...

     Ok, so I had some clarification explained to me. Even though I'm confident I don't have Bipolar, I do have something else... several somethings... autism, ADHD, and cPTSD/DID. Which means I don't have FDIA, I was just a little miseducated on what I do have. It was still harmful to be misdiagnosed and miseducated on my health. I do think that having more control over my healthcare and more education on my actual problems has been helpful. Maybe my life will seem a little less like a game of "Clue" now that I've cleared up some of that.      I haven't been fighting just for the sake of being disagreeable, I've been fighting for clarity. This time I have taken to be alone and to seek counseling has helped me find that clarity. But these crusades by certain people in my life to push narratives on Bipolar and drugs have been distracting, to say the least. I hope I have seen the end of the crusades. I'm tired of fighting. It's a relief just to b...