Darkness Until Dawn

Greedily, you demanded so many Not just the number, but the type Now, be satisfied with what you stole. Do not ask for more You will have none. Keep my silence Allow me that peace.  So remorseless I renounce your narratives And declare us strangers once more.

Sometimes, I wish I had the energy, money, time, or talent to care or to change the world around me. I see or hear things in the news, social media, or conversation. I know that I am mortal, and I do not have those excess resources. If I do not keep myself focused on the most essential tasks, no one can do it for me, they might even deliberately sabotage me. They might help, but they can't do it for me. I need all my focus and energy on point at all times. That is what allows me to be productive, calm, and safe.  But if I keep focused, I might be able to do more. I can't rush that. My impatience is one of my greatest weaknesses. Slow and steady, with everything, even if I have to fight my family, even if I have to fight the hospital, even if I have to fight every last man and woman in Greenville. There is only one way. Slow and steady, focused. That is how I will reach my goals. God willing, no one will stand in my way. I am mortal. And damn stubborn when I need to be. I need t...

    It's a tremendous relief to have a more realistic and clear direction for Accountec and for myself, even if it has very little to do with accounting or technology. It will require continued vigilance and focus. When my mind is clearer I do everything better. Sometimes I feel slightly self absorbed focusing so rigidly, but immediately I remember the difference between now and March, and I know I'm on the right path. Continued focus will allow me to improve timeliness and accuracy at work, to complete more writing, to feel more calm, and to improve my finances. There's little to no room for error, because I can't risk homelessness or more hospitalizations or unemployment or more dysregulation and chaos. I'm too tired, too unpopular, too poor. There's simply not enough wiggle room.      While I'm not delivering, I'm mostly reading. I'm finding that I don't actually like Gone with the Wind very much thus far. I prefer Cold Mountain. I think a lot...