Darkness Until Dawn

      So, regardless of whether anyone ever knows the full truth or anything close to it, I think the amount of people impacted and the fact that the Governor's office spoke to Woodruff Road by itself says enough. Anyone with common sense can see that something dangerous happened. His actions do not define my life. I do. That medication does not define my life. I do. Bipolar does not define my life. I do.      My life is defined by a long history, that much is true. It is defined by growing up in the 80s, by being a loyal family member, friend, and member of the community. In surviving 2 comas, lots of drugs, lots of traumatic events, a lot of isolation and pain, and yet, stubbornly persisting, I did many things. I volunteered for 3.5 years with Safe Harbor, Crisisline, and Julie Valentines. I helped in the raising of nieces and nephews. I participated in multiple varsity sports. I learned a tremendous amount about mental illness. I got that BA in psych and...

    Autism Spectrum (AS) is a difference in neurological functioning not incredibly different from ADHD and related to Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD). Persons with mild AS have distinct differences in communication styles, great difficulty dealing with sensory stimulation, struggle with disruption to routine, and tend to high intelligence. Analytical thinking is strong and the ability for self-regulation and small talk is low.       These individuals do well in environments where coregulation is possible (emotional tuning of a group of individuals in concert). Self-play or solo work is common. High levels of analytical thinking result in increased ability in creative endeavors and academics (with proper support), particularly high mathematical aptitude.      Coregulation is one tool used in the therapies for AS. The leader is able to "dance a dance" with the other members, stepping in and out fluidly to provide hint and suggestio...

Well, if I can get past the idea of my family being addicted to fixing me, I can move on to other things, such as setting up that new website to manage my 1099 contracting. It's almost ready. Then I can tutor, account, and whatever through that website, including payment portal. It makes things simpler. I gotta work on that and finishing my content review. Clean house more. Assemble some furniture. 

  One big happy prismily Together the rest of our lives As far as our friends were concerned Everything seemed right   But that's when they told me They said me it was time to move on Just tired of the hospitalizations It told me the pills were gone And now I want to believe want to believe it's over Suddenly it's plain to see They're as tired as me and Even a shrink can see There's nothing left between us I knew all along something was wrong But I did my best to deny it And now I can't go home I want to be alone so Tell all the ones who are missing me that I'm alright Even a shrink can see There were times I had nothing And somehow, I laughed through it all There are moments I'll never forget And some I wouldn't care to recall And still, I want to believe I want to believe it's over Suddenly it's plain to see They don't need me Even a ahrink can see There's nothing left bet...

      I knew there was something I had to warn Greenville County about. And it matches the history and the records and even the gossip around town. And it starts with my families. Oh, it makes perfect sense. Fictitious Disorder Imposed on Another, formerly Munchhousen's Byproxy. Imaginary illnesses. That is the danger and the waste of public money. That's the source of the endless new hospital, new center, new doctor BS. And Bipolar was the perfect foil. Vague and completely internal and invisible. Whereas FDIA can be traced to records and facts. All these hospitals with their records. They just have to connect the dots. Medicalized perfection linked to psychiatric illness. I found my answers. And it's all about control. Lack of boundaries. It even explains the DID and the memory issues. Greenville County has a lack of proper boundaries around medical care. And that was taught. It actually is a problem based in reality, not some bipolar/psychosis BS. And their own damn te...

       On further reflection, the issues that pop up most frequently are Munchhousen's byproxy, DID, and mild autism spectrum.       The first because of the microanalysis of my faults, some controlling behavior, along with how publicized my health has always been. It's like my families are addicted to dissecting me. Can't leave well enough alone. Because I've spent so much time in hospitals. Because of the poor boundaries and high or moving standards. There's really so much detail to go behind this theory. That munchhousen's article lights up my brain like a fire.      The second because of the repeated tests of memory that come back with difficulties in recall, the testing in controlled settings, all the drugs, the docs and hospitals, the inconsistent realities, the patterns and changes in consciousness... it all adds up.      The third because it's been a part of the picture since the nineties and clearly explains ...