Darkness Until Dawn

    I've come to the point that I feel like I need to think of the future and not of the past. It's time to settle down. Grow old with someone. Stop and smell the roses more. Enjoy people.

 I need to rest a while. I'm still trying to understand the present. We can argue about whether I've had a hard time. In the end... it's better that I'm alone. Being around people doesnt work so well. My body feels weaker. My emotions more powerful. People push too hard. They dont see me as a person, just a body. I can break. Empathy is in short supply these days.

 Flu like symptoms. Migraines. Confusion. It took me a while to realize how this communication is working. I dont get much privacy. I'm doing soups, teas, washing, cleaning. Nyquil. Tylenol. If anyone knows a good cleaning service... maybe an exterminator... I'll figure it out.

     There were so many things I could have said in that ER. All the times I'd been there. Stretching back 30 years. I couldn't find the words. I was afraid to get near her or open up. She just sat and smiled. I didn't actually want to go inpatient. I just wanted to talk to someone. Have a doctor really lay eyes on me. I wish I could have said so many other things. But to be in those pods, no threats, no danger, no... uncertainty. I didn't think I was going back. I wanted to leave the hospital system. I walked in. I talked. I walked out.