Darkness Until Dawn

Ebbbbyday is a winding web! Getta liddle bit closer and peeling pine! Ebbbbyday is a whining toad! (Ribbit)

There's been some things coming up that are fairly intense. I'm trying to refocus away from certain people and situations. Because people are finding my memories, feelings, and expressions stressful. I was not intending to be PG, but I was not intending to be NC-17 either. But I can remember extremely disturbing things. And I like South Carolina. I've met a lot of nice people. I was not intending to write horror stories or thrillers. And I was mentioning DID to make it less scary sounding. Not the opposite. It doesn't have to be that way. It can really be more like some dysregulation, memory issues, and communication issues. Bipolar as far as I've experienced does not have to be awful either. But again, I'm not a doctor and have no desire to be one. No one controls me. I'm not some mind controlling sinister presence. I'm not completely mindless either. It's been nice and quiet though. The cats doing well. I like Mauldin.

MIP may or may not have made key mistakes. I'm not sure what they were trying to accomplish. I don't they knew either. But one employee said to another "We need to break this relationship [with counselor]". Whatever they intended, saying that caught my ear. I have acute hearing at times. Yeah I hear a lot of what y'all say. But Arson didn't seem to understand DID. Maybe he didn't realize that the overlap of medical complex trauma and DID is important. Maybe Hospitals didn't understand that Seroquel simply brings it down for a bit. Ativan too. Maybe they didn't understand that bipolar makes little sense. Maybe they didn't understand the importance of my particular boundaries. I don't even know who said that. I think she was a tech. Maybe a nurse. If you break trust, that makes things take longer. And you have to run in 5,000 different employees saying all sorts of goobledy gook and try reaching for all sorts of DX's. The hispanic one and...

People get hung up on switching. Myself included. I don't actually change from one person to another. I don't have extreme or complex plans. I'm not a criminal mastermind. I'm observant. It's more like a republic. 8 parts. Not all are present at one time. But decisions are made kind of like majority rule. There's a President. The members vote. If they are absent, they abstain. If no decision is made, we generally follow past precedent. But within rules. Like laws. Like the Bible. It doesn't mean that I always know what to do or say. Sometimes I feel torn. Between sides.  If there has been a major switch, it's away from doctors and towards lower-level people. Doctors haven't worked out so good. Maybe that's why Arson can't find one to work with me. I don't like them so much. I don't know if the hospitals are going to lock me out or I'm going to lock them out but we're getting sick of each other. Govt insurance, overmedicalizati...

  I got frustrated. A little paranoid. I wasn't planning on talking like conspiracy radio. I've been in the medical system too much. It gets in my head. The pills. It seemed like people were on different sides. I wanted to help South Carolina. Maybe declaring myself federal property is a bit extreme. I'm trying to stay in the middle. But I've been excited to be joined by people from places like Netherlands, Singapore, Lithuania, Japan, Canada, UK, Germany, France, China, Russia, etc. Italy hasn't taken much of an interest. But I got into Iran. Indonesia. See I'm traveling the world right now... I've been to Alaska and Central America, but never Africa or South America (as I recall... I may REMEMBER differently). Oh I'm in Australia. Always wanted to go there. Japan too. I wanted to go there. I think Africa and India might be on my list. I did get some Indians. Not many.  Just one small thing on politics. I'm a little frustrated with the chaos at the ...

Some things are totally creepy. We could stop talking but no we'd never do that. I don't understand this thing with medication. I met a Brittany the other day. The fence really does look nice. I wonder what it's made of. I'm thinking Pine. Why do people hide soccer balls. I'm gonna have to speak to Paytlin about that. Some people just don't like soccer. Doctors, they just can't stay away from me. Always something to analyze. Poor Small. She didn't like getting yelled at. Then she suddenly has the flu. Sudden illnesses can be like that. Stress induced. I've had a few. You know, it's nice not living in hospitals. Funny they wanted me to go to the Phoenix Center. Almost like they thought of the Phoenix. The creature that rises from the Ashes. Strange where people get ideas. Then, they don't like an idea, it's time to force medicate. Such a strange society. The lower part of the state is where those Murdochs were from. Those people scare me. ...