Darkness Until Dawn

Jess,     I want you to know that I never lied to you. I heard what you said too. And I appreciated you trusting me. I never wanted to hurt you or frighten you or bring you down. You did not err in trusting me.      You said I had to make my own decisions, and I have. I'm glad you liked the poem. I had a few things to work on. Some anger to put down. Don't run away too fast. You did so well. Remember. Remember the good things.     Strength comes in strange forms. Please thank Kenzie and Elle. I needed them, and they were there. I needed to learn the things the men didn't teach me. Now I know better. Remember. Ashes

Knowledge in the chaos Vortex Rippling through like waves Turning up the power brings reverberating rage Stepping back, the echoes fade As knowledge builds my power Whisperings of the doings past Returning hour by hour Whither from, the echo calls And whence will it return? 'Cross the lonely path of which Is leading us astern.  Walking back and running forward an agent of the chaos Looking for an aiding ally We're bearing up our cross. So, what is it that we know now And whither shall it lead us? Can we find another way Before the demons bleed us?

     Spidey a liddle a Noid. Not leggy today.  But di sky is blue and di sun is shining. Tigre's been visiting friends. Spidey be leggy soon. De'll nebber catch me! 

Ebbybody gloves Molly... Ebben when she is Folly... And taking pills can be stupid, Especially when less then totally lucid. They had the war on drugs... And the war on hugs... But where's the war on pills? I've surely had my fill. When I think of going crawling... I find the hospitals appalling... There's a lack of fruits Bodies comin outta chutes. Then they want a quick fix But it's too late for it.

     I remember some of the better times before I started breaking into mental hospitals. Before my families and I started fighting over the pills. Yeah, I grew up in the medical system. At 10, I got my ADHD and dysgraphia. by 13, I had my major depression. By 17, I'd acquired my Bipolar. My first Coma. By 19, I had my second. By 20, I had my Autism Spectrum. By 38, I had my PTSD. At 40 or 41, I got my DID. I took stops by OCD like behavior, GAD, those didn't stick. Sleep apnea. Medicalization.       But before all that... before 16... before the pills started... we was like family. We cared. I used to hug the nurses. They made me stop. Funny how when the Clozaril stopped I started hugging healthcare workers again. Things had changed. We were all older. Many people had moved on. The rest of us were becoming bitter. Nothing happens in a vacuum. How did we get here?     Personally, I think it had a lot to do with how dedicated my family was to ...

     I started a new group on Facebook. Maybe calm some waters. Hopefully that and tutor/tax. Depending on my health. Maybe Arson will come to an event.       Energy is low, but I feel good about this idea. Stay in home. Advocate. See new people.

It doesn't look like I'll be going back to Vinewell. They took it off the list. Just as well. I named them as at fault for not checking my vitals. For the hospital visit. But I'm only sleeping a few hours a night. Well, minimum is about 5. Sometimes as much as 7 or even 8. But that's much different from sleeping 9-11 a night. I'd say my sleep has decreased by 40-50%. Maybe that's why she said I was in a deep sleep with Clozastill.