Darkness Until Dawn

I do not like weapons. I bought my first self-defense weapon in 2024. I say that because it was the first time I bought a weapon with the intention to defend my person long term.  It happened during tax season. One too many verbal assaults. There were 2 I can remember considering contacting law enforcement. A big guy that started screaming "BULLSHIT" when I tried to explain that I could not deduct certain trucker expenses due to changes in the tax law. It took multiple employees from multiple offices to talk him down. The woman that would not stop pressuring me to base a tax return off an online estimate and started screaming. There was a mentally ill woman who would not go away. A smooth-talking Northeasterner that would not stop contacting me. A bully who the women wouldn't work with. Yay for being male. There was one that came back, insisting on voiding a signed document that had already been processed. I'm a fairly big guy. It's not incredibly often people try...

 Dear Public, Do not take drugs. DRUGS COME FROM PHARMACIES. FOR ANYONE WILLFULLY NOT PAYING ATTENTION, THIS SHIT KILLS YOU. DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS. THEY WILL NUMB YOU OUT. DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS, THEY DISTORT YOUR JUDGEMENT. DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS. YOU END UP MESSED UP. For further details, please consult "Personal Thoughts", "Personal Thoughts - medical", or ask to see my mychart, then consult an LPC.  DO NOT TAKE THE DRUGS. Thank You.

Let's see, what's the latest bullshit? It's circulating widely. The DSM is getting vaguer. People keep talking bullshit, they find new words for it... Something wrapped up and resold every day. That's why I have to persistently unwrap this stuff. Demystify. So we can all know it for the Bullshit that it is.  How many drugs can we repackage in different ways? I want people to know how this shit kills you. I want them to see the myChart. I want them to see the problem list. Let's just publish it all. We'll make pamphlets and fliers... RITALIN, GET YOUR RITALIN! Lithium! Seroquel! See how fast it kills you! Liver damage, Nausea, Constipation, BP changes, EKGS, GET YOUR EKGS! Wanna a resting pulse of 95-100? Take your Clozaril, call me in the morning about the cravings, the immune system, check with a nutritionist 50 times a year. Oh you'll be strong. Completely Numb. Spaced out. Useless. A complete burden on society. One day at a time, a few hundred mg... You...

Carolina Drugs! ((Chorus)) Carolina...knows how to drug me! Carolina...knows how to drug me! In the citaaay of GSP (yeah, yeah) In the citaaay of good ol' gReedy In the citaaay, the city of Maudlin We keep it druggin! We keep it druggin! Yeah! Now let me welcome every patient to the mild, mild South! A state that's untouchable like Jesus himself. The pills hit ya esophagus and soon ya depressed Pack a script in your pocket, seek out EMS We inna Palmetto state wit our gospel and country  A state where ya never find a waiting room empty Pharms on a mission for the perfect drug Selling it up with the CHING and a snarky shrug I been in the game for 30 years bein loons Now Memorial switched itself to Maroons Back in '97 they used to chart me N watch me Scrubs shinin like I robbed tha supply room It's all blessed, from the foothills to tha harbor My minds running around, back and forth, now it's farther Throw up a script if ya think they fixed me Ashes puttin it down for ...

Nothing like a good cup of coffee in the morning. I've been making instant. I can't find the espresso grinder.  I met a guy named Joe. Sharp fellow. He keeps it simple. Joe's not into bullshit. He doesn't care about names. He doesn't use fancy words. But he understands them. Yep, we could use a few more Joe's.  I knew a George. He kept it simple. Oh but he loves those analogies. I seem to remember a Keisha... there was definitely a Beth... yep... a few voices here and there...  What do these voices say? You have a good goal... Strong Boundaries... Bipolar is one of the most over diagnosed things in the book... Don't go back to the table... Enmeshed... Think for yourself... Natural solutions... Clozaril doesn't help you... I don't want to talk to your family... Medical leave... Lean on your counselor... Stay out of hospitals... PTSD... You're not dangerous... Dissociation... Journal... Process... Medical complex trauma... Stay away from meds... Do...

I like the buproprion. It's orange. My school color. Now, the propranolol's are blue... I look good in blue... Ativan's yellow... I don't like yellow. Dirty. Pristiq is brown. I like brown. It's a good color... the prilosecs are white and purple like... that's creative... keep taking those... why they make hydroxzine white? I mean, come on!  You take the blue pill, you go back to your life, like nothing ever happened...  You take the red pill, you see how far down the rabbit hole this goes.  I'm hunting wabbits... ders a Psychiatrist around the corner... ready to tell me my fortune and get an insurance payout. How many pills can they manufacture? I'll bury a few out back. See if they grow. Or we can just add them to the water supply. Nevermind fluoride. My teeth ain't broke yet. Let's see... take a stop down by valium, turn left by klonopin... past what's that version of ativan that lasts longer?  Ah. Minipress. Those were the days... Be care...

Let's see, who does not yet know, through paperwork or otherwise, that I have health problems? I could go camping next week, then those people will know. I could move to Hawaii, then Hawaii will know. Hablo Espanol. Mexico is nice this time of year. Maybe Canada has a clinic. Georgia probably already knows... I could always remind McClean. Or Lost'n Rigged. I saw that Einstein shrink. The PhD in MA. Clarity, Clarify... there's bound to be a shrink in West Virginia that doesn't know. Word travels more slowly there. MUSC knows... Beth Israel Deaconess, how could they forget? They brought me back from Coma #2. The device in my chest is tracked by insurance and doctors, they all know... I hear McClean has so many campuses now! Tomorrow is a new Center! Ill spread the Gospel like wildfire! No, maybe only so many people NEED to know... that boundaries thing... it keeps coming up. Complex medical trauma... who wants to learn? Rule number one: doctors are not your family. Rule ...