Darkness Until Dawn

Memories and emotions can be intense. That's why I like to keep some space between me and other people. I need to be careful with memories. Very careful. A mind can play tricks on you, like a bad dream. 

    I had a lot of memories come up today. It's better that I don't discuss certain memories. Some things... it's better for everyone that certain things are not discussed. Sometimes the past can stir up resentments, fear, or sorrow. There are some days that sleep is my only real escape. Sometimes, there is no solution. 

    Honor was very important in the old South. I want this story to give a realistic picture of South Carolina in the 1860s. That's why I'm spending this time on research. It's not about proving anything. People I know have already made up their minds about me. I've tried many times in my life to impress people. I've had some spectacular failures. I'm not trying to prove anything about me. That's a fool's errand. There's people I know that think they have me all figured out. The hospital, for starters. Sometimes I still try to prove the hospital wrong, but a lot of people I gave up. I can't hold onto the past. I can't relitigate and play out the same old narratives, the same old arguments, the same old appearances. I could do that from now until the end of time, it would make no difference but make me miserable. I try to keep my distance. I don't have the energy for that kind of thing.      It took me a while to realize that I can't c...

    I've been fascinated by this research into Civil War Greenville and it's inspiring me to consider writing multiple historical fictions. I find history so interesting.      From what I've discovered so far there were no major bridges across the Reedy in 1861, as the main street bridge wasn't built until the 1870s. The railroad connection to Columbia had only recently been finished. Greenville County tends to name most roads based on where they lead, though it turns out Parkins mill road wasn't the original Parkins Mill road. Originally, the road leading from Augusta Road was not called Mauldin Road. Before Mauldin existed, before even Butler Crossing existed, Mauldin road was Parkins Mill road. It led from Augusta road (The main trading road) to Parkins' old Mill, currently the site of the sewage treatment plant, which was built after the city of Conestee (Just down the Reedy River past Lake Conestee) sued Greenville for dumping raw sewage and industrial wast...

     I want to have something to leave behind. After the dust has settled and the talk has died, I want there to be something left... something real. I want people to be able to read and feel connected to the story. I want them to feel like they are part of it. I want to connect with people through the words the way great writers do. Hopefully I can do that.       I don't like leaving the house. I worry about social pressures. I worry about intentions. I used to blend in somehow. That's become harder.       I want people to really know me. If I use the right words, then they can. I have to find the right words. I don't want to force my words or presence on anyone. But I want people to really know me. Words are elusive. And if I don't find the words, the narratives will be built anyways, and I'll be shut out. I took for granted that I would find the words. That people would know me. But if I don't find the words, what will they say a...

    I've gotten a touch distracted. I need to take great care. My desire is to finish some fiction. Something that people can enjoy. I'm still building up a well of projects. I'm generating ideas. I cannot afford to let myself neglect this. 

      I'm continuing to research the events and culture of the civil war era, the politics and the people. It's very interesting. I'll have to make some field trips. I'm trying to define the scope of the book. It was a large war, and I don't intend for it to be comprehensive on the war itself. I'd like to cover a number of key events, however. I definitely plan to mention Bull Run, the aftermath of Gettysburg, and the burnings of Columbia and Chambersburg.