Darkness Until Dawn

     Spidey tought dat di bat would lose intewest qwuickly. Apter all, it was a small house, a bunch ob mispits, and not anudder bat nor castle nor cabe.       “I thought it vould look better from the rafters.” A voice echoed from above.      Dat bat. Can’t appweciate a good cobweb. He was looking more awake and he would get this funny look in his eye when he got hungry.      “You know… a few careful torches could really vamp up the place. I was known for my style back in zee Western Wood.” He paused as if for questions. When none came, he continued anyways. “It was quite a majestic place. Uncle Boromir used to be quite fond of telling us stories, so much so that we began to call him Uncle Bor. He never quite figured out vhy. So one day, when he was putting us to sleep with his tales of the crypt - he used to put himself to sleep all the time, let me tell you- we snuck out inbetween bouts of consciousness, and we flew into...

    They say life has seasons. I think that is very true for someone like me. I think I'm moving into a new season, putting the past behind. This season I am focusing on fixing my financial situation by reducing consumption.     I'm not the one who is the smiling gladhander. I don't have the personality or the talent for it. I will never be Mr. Popular. I do believe we have destinies of sorts. Mine lies in written expression.      I'm continuing to look for a day job while exploring my creative ideas. Hopefully, they will come to me in due time. I have hit the limits of the medication. It's time to be my natural self. 

 

Actions committed in the blindest of ignorance Facts inconvenient, truth intermittent. Protestations overwritten, narratives formed without contrition As history becomes a lie. Heroes are minted and pasts are erased, As no one cries for the wrongs now replaced, And as they rise up to claim their new jewels, the Chosen eagerly climb onto the shoulders of fools... Drama contrived and plots newly written, With murderous emotions, the witnesses smitten screaming for the heads of false demons from the past And eager for a villain to sacrifice at last Deaf to the voices of reason and caution Charging forth to the point of exhaustion Their mania for the blood of the token guilty Will erase all the past and complete the new history Confusion resolved with self-justifications Hardened ears, deaf to exonerations Determination and volume the measure of justice Reinforcing the story lest the truth should resist. Echoes of lies resound through the air Till nothing remains of the truth that was ther...

     It seems part time work is not that easy to find. I'm going to try to broaden my search a bit. I'm moving from Accounting to retail more. 

I do feel different since discontinuing Clozaril. I feel more emotional. I feel less armored.

Some of my doctors will practically commit hara kiri if I suggest I don't have bipolar. Which is exactly what Prichards did. At least he had the sense to understand that trust had been broken. Some people don't like autism or believe in DID. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about that. What I can do is educate my doctors. For example, one ER psychiatrist said that Bipolar is "one of THE MOST OVERDIAGNOSED things in the book." Ive been in these hospitals and centers and I'm convinced the man is absolutely correct. There's plenty of bipolar labelees. It's just that the whole point of these labels is to help people. If the patterns fit, the meds help, the education helps, then great. If it doesn't, then its time to move on. All of the meds I'm on help other disorders. Mood Stabilizers NEVER worked. Not from day one. It's time to move on.