Darkness Until Dawn

 Spidey learns. When I got off clozapine, my perception changed. It skewed my judgement for a while. But I've seen a lot of improvement. I'm healing.

In the hospital they got into this thing. Ashes has trauma? He's faking. PTSD? Insurance fraud. Drug addict. As if they know me. These mental patients. 

  Ashes got carried away again? What do we tell the fire marshal?

Dear Leaves, Molly taking good care of Spidey. Ebbyday. Tell Gryps Spidey says hi. Ebbyting berry gnice. Di internist got di blood all bedder. Groovy. Spidey's women take good care.  Spidey

The primary disagreement i have with some of the doctors is over how clozaril has affected my life. I feel like it was detrimental, that it buried emotions by suppressing them and those emotions lay latent beneath the surface, bubbling up from time to time. The side effects such as weight gain and sedation were just the icing on the cake for me. I only hope I am able to find a balance in my life post clozaril. I refuse to believe that I am an addict just because such a label is convenient for others and I was miseducated on what medications can do. I know the limits of these medications more clearly now. 

     Rain was threatening. Footsteps fell on hard stone. Lightning flickered in the sky above as he contemplated the task before him. Eyes of a woman across the way came towards, then away. Retreat marked her movements. Wise was she.       His fingers moved independently as he eyed the walkway, stepping forward. Determination echoed with his footfalls. He would not be deterred. His mind played with the shadows. A bird came fluttering down, hopped a few paces forward, then away as well. He worried his mood bled to his demeanor.       Today he was the messenger. Tomorrow, he would be silent. The words must be well picked, well played, he reminded himself. He suppressed a smile, tugged the tag at his breast and lingered the workman's belt. He must not linger. Attracting attention would not benefit him. He stepped forward, pretending to know a different path.       Eyes meeting another passerby, a curt nod given. Ner...

Lithe and orange and furry beyond measure kitnip and scratching posts among his pleasures with stripes and whiskers to mark his feline form playful and pestering is simply the norm. agile and swift but vigilant too loyal and willing to always stay true cunning and graceful but patient as time always remembering that he is only mine.