Darkness Until Dawn

This is year 3 without clozaril. I don't regret it. I feel more connected to myself. More genuine. This is who I really am deep down. This is me. I just don't have the energy.

Pools of blue and straw haired blonde Lighting up my soul and beyond Stars so bright shine in her eyes And yet my heart her words deny Drawing me inexorably towards A kiss, a caress the highest reward And when our eyes come forth to meet Sparks will fly and hearts will beat Truth it only runs from lies At the sight my soul, it sighs With the grace of an angel's flight She returns my gaze with infinite sight.

The thing is, they did keep me safe. And I know they've put the blood, sweat and tears in. I just wanted it to be nicer. So I try again.  I pursue the jobs. I do the writing and drawing. The world seems so very different. I'm trying to make sure I go in the right direction.  So I can show them. 

 

     Spidey go easy on di health care werkers. Ebbyday. Gonna get webby. Make a whole new batch ob cobwebs while Jess looks for werk and Ashes files taxes. Make a pretty one for Krystal. Got some canvas arribing today.       I'm really pushing on this. I've been to a lot of hospitals. MIP has the poem, Springbrook never got theirs but it's on the poems page. What should I draw for krystal? I'm going impressionist, I think. Yes. I'm going to try to paint an impression of her. Remember, I'm new at this painting Spidey a liddle slow on di uptake. Gonna do sumting real special. Spidey learn. Molly determined. Spidey give back.

     I do like being delusional sometimes. It helps me to forgive. If I don't like something, well maybe it didn't really happen. Maybe xyz wasn't said or done. Even if im certain it was, maybe I can be delusional about it. Thats what I like about being delusional.  Sometimes its better when things didn't really happen.

Everyone deserves to feel safe in their home and at thier job. I don't wish harm to anyone in Greenville County. I've had some concerns about diagnoses and medications. But health care workers need to be safe and well treated. They need breaks and vacations. It helps them to remember why they do what they do. To remember who they are. To keep them fresh so they can take good care of the people.