Darkness Until Dawn

     I still don't see why the hospital feels lying and threats are appropriate. Or how that helps at all. They really took a giant leap backwards with that. But I can forget. I made mistakes too. That was a long time ago though. If they hadn't been lying and threatening in the er, it didn't have to go that way. But if there's a next time, Bon Secors. I'm sure they can manage to stabilize a bad reaction to spravato more effectively. Not that I take spravato anymore.

Dear Elle,     It must have been quite a shock. You know. 2020. You see, Prichards had been getting desperate with the meds. He took the prazosin up high... I don't remember how many MG.       I remember in October I got depressed. He said that the prazosin was probably causing that. Leaves was worried. My judgement was off. Then they had that meeting. Leaves, a supervisor, and my old LPC. They decided they needed more help. A co-counselor. But I was very unstable, lines were blurred. She said she was going to have to terminate.       I bought the .38. It felt weird, to have a gun. I never even loaded it. I was afraid. The minipress had dropped. It was like being in combat all of a sudden. adrenaline surge. I ran through every scenario I could think of. My previous LPC was not able to help. Clarity had disagreed with Bipolar and asserted PTSD. The meds weren't working. Doors were closing. I was at the end of the rope.     ...

 Volly, They're drifting again...

Hoping everyone has a great day.

      Then there was another one of those techs. I'll call her Khrystal. She was there past couple of times. I think I was afraid of her because she reminded me of Elle. Eyes like a brittle stone. Blue gray, I think. I think she had blonde hair just past the shoulders. She had this quietness to her. I only asked her a few things.       But I remember a moment of compassion. I was there in the main room by the tv. I don't know. Maybe because I had relied on her previously... She was watching me. I looked back at her. Now most people would look away, pretend to be busy, you know, hide. But she looked right back.       I was glad someone was watching. She didn't look angry or afraid. Concerned. maybe a touch sad. Nice when someone notices. Nice not to be the one caught watching. She watched the night, so I didn't have to. 🫂 khrystal 🫂 

 Phone: RING! Me: WHAT????