Darkness Until Dawn

I have some resentments regarding Healthcare that I need to move past. Funny thing is, the harder I try to avoid attracting attention, the more I seem to get. Like the doctor is always watching and the next hospital visit is just a breath away. I thought writing those poems for the hospitals would be like a goodbye. They weren't helping me. Not that much. They had already done what they could. I had been there enough. Yet they keep inviting me back. Maybe they'll ship me to Georgia next time. I'm sure GA dept of health would love that.  I can't keep doing these hospitals. I don't have it in me. It just doesn’t make sense.  It does look like Munchousens or something. It makes no sense. You'd think I had cancer or something. And I definitely do not. They cant even agree on what the problem is, much less what to do about it. Just a bunch of short term, bandaid solutions. Alphabet soup diagnoses. I still like most of the people, but its hard to believe in the missio...

 I miss the people I used to know. Some of those people are still out there. But they have changed, and so have I. Some I haven't seen in years or decades. Some are dead. When the floods come, the ground is far beneath the waters. Some people think that being an adult means having the answers. Being strong and silent. Some people confuse violence with strength. But it amazes me to see a gentle person. It inspires me beyond imagining to see someone who doesnt need to be threatening. Someone who simply walks, and others follow. But its a burden when people come to expect greatness. Pride can be so ugly. Ive seen ugliness in many forms. Ive heard people praise God to high heaven and betray him in thier next breath. And that is more frightening then an atheist. A hypocrite. Not just a hypocrite, but such a gaslighting and insistent hypocrite. I hope to keep finding my way. Or I'll be talking to ghosts. And they make poor company after a while. I'm in the middle of something, I...

I really liked the 90s. The 2000s. There was a slightly different climate. It seemed less jaded. Maybe its a generational thing. I think the dawn of the information technology age offered a lot of hope that didn't quite pan out. We learned a lot but we didn't like everything we learned. About technology. About free markets. And of course, covid came. And the dark side of social media. We were so hopeful with the end of the cold war. Now it looks like that didn't pan out. Hope can be mysterious. Fragile. Like trust. It can be taken for granted. Love has an unmistakable quality, but so does hate. Love is gentle and kind. Hatred is controlling. What scares me is when people wrap up thier hate in the guise of faith or love. I get tired of attracting the wrong attention. I've always held that anger back. Even in the 90s. Sometimes it shines through. I miss the past. I most definitely do. It wasn't great. But it certainly was less frightening. World is changing. I hope I ...

Cowards have certain traits in common. 1. They gang up on others 2. They always press the advantage 3. They don't apologize 4. They don't display vulnerability  5. They don't volunteer 6. They revel in violence 7. They follow, they don't lead 8. They attack character rather then facts 9. Thier humor is not appropriate, but hateful 10. They don't listen unless they already agree

 People say I'm strange, I think life is strange. I do find it confusing why people are so interested in what I do. I used to just blend. People didn't notice me so they didn't say anything. Then I start talking and wham! Suddenly what I say and do is so important. It is definitely easier to nod and smile but its empty. It's easier to go with the program. But I don't see the point. Then it gets into damned if you do, damned if you don't.  Gotta be just right. I most definitely am not Robin Williams.  I was simply a fan. He made me smile. Yes, I believe in God. Buti don't like to litigate God. I don't like to argue about what the Bible says. I don't think God is meant to create conflict. God is meant for loving thy neighbor. Just doesnt seem as common as its made out to be. Then I find everyone wanting to convert me. I guess by wearing my emotions so openly I invite that. My anger invites it. I get overwhelmed by a lot of attention. But for so long I ...

I'm going to have to stop keeping track of politics. It's gotten too difficult. Well... maybe just pay a little less attention. Life is about more then arguing. 

Boundaries are limits that individuals set for themselves and communicate to others, defining acceptable and unacceptable behaviors in relationships, work, and personal life. They are essential for maintaining mental health, fostering healthy relationships, and preserving personal well-being.  Types of Boundaries: Physical Boundaries: These relate to personal space, touch, and comfort levels.  Emotional Boundaries: These involve respecting and managing one's own emotions and not taking on the responsibility for others' feelings.  Intellectual Boundaries: These pertain to respecting individual thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.  Financial Boundaries: These involve setting limits on how much time, money, or resources are allocated to others.  Workplace Boundaries: These relate to respecting work hours, responsibilities, and expectations.  Importance of Boundaries: Mental Health: Boundaries help individuals protect their time, energy, and emotional well-being....