Darkness Until Dawn

Dearest Jenn,     I've been eating well. I simply can't spair a Gus too often. Lettuce not mince words. A pear rently, my best skill is being a patient. I've had a lot of malpractice. Fondly, Ashes

So where was I? Ah, yes, multistate clusterfuck.... bad boundaries, FBI looking up my ass to discourage others from doing the same. maybe I complain too much. But I get tired of trying to explain. Time apart is healthy.

Going back to the diagnoses, the ones I truly believe in are ADHD (mild to moderate), Depression (remission), cPTSD/DID, mild Autism Spectrum, mild to moderate CAPD, and the physical ones. Too many whiteboards around psychology and psychiatry. I'd really like to consolidate everything so I can remember it all at once. I don't believe in perfectionism, medicalized or otherwise. I believe in personal space. People get bitter and resentful. They want to tear someone down or control them. I don't like that. Hopefully I can inspire from a distance. Let the kids have their turn. I'm just sick of the demonization. God knows there is something more important in this world then what I do or don't do. 

     I guess we all have some fear about people knowing the truth about ourselves. I got tired. I needed some privacy. It went in some weird directions. No one is perfect. I think having more control over my health care was necessary. I have so much to do. The 90s wasn't health friendly. For smart people, one of the bigger threats was carpal tunnel. Now we have better keyboards, better care, voice recognition, handwriting recognition, etc. The Spravato was a little hard to manage. Harder than ketamine, I think. I really need my families on the same page. So, life is a little less like Zombie. I had limitations. We all made mistakes. Now I manage my anger and work on managing my own health.     The thing I like about a website is I can tell everyone the same thing at the same time. Rather then inventing and improvising and hoping no one gets pissed off. Humans can be exhausting. I need to avoid interfamily warfare. I'm working on hiring a very part time executive...

I was told James Taylor wrote this one while at Riggs.

     I've been struggling tremendously with focus. They never took the Ritalin back so I've tried one here and there. It actually seems to help. Ridiculous for someone to be so afraid to take his own meds. But it's not been easy.  I guess some things make sense. The hospital gives me the pills and tries to perfectionize me, I get angry and we both eventually make some mistakes. Then it's the back and forth. It does make sense.       In the 90s we didn't know as much. But I thought the doctors could learn. They could learn from their mistakes. That way they can do better for the kids. I'd be like one of those cautionary tales. I just get upset at all the pills then I get upset at the mistakes, then they're pissed off that I'm pissed off, then they're trading me between hospitals. Then they're threatening jail and restraining orders. It's rather odd. It's a very strange life.           I was like bubble boy. But I didn'...

Today's arachnid is slightly edgy with a chance of panic. Expect feelings of dread to extend into the latter half of the day, with a prevailing restlessness and awkward communication.