Darkness Until Dawn

     Ok. I think the meds are balancing out. I've got more to do list items. I don't know how much public health is benefitting. But for me, it's a journey to being more well-rounded and functional. Still have the episodes. PTSD like. But i want to add more. Ive been trying, believe it or not, to protect privacy. But there's only so many metaphors. I know my families fairly well. I knew MA medical well. I have more work to do. But it's getting there. Gotta go by goodwill. More around the house. I called the internist about the physical symptoms and then the dystonia started, and I forgot. Now it's just some red bumps like shingles or chicken pox. But they stopped itching when dystonia went away.      I gotta exercise more and get some sunlight. I've been doing the job search. Small was pretty. I just didn't recognize her. They hid Kenzie in IMU and Red was gone too. Shame. Paytlyn refused to work with me. I think time alone can be good. I miss my women.....

     I think the greatest lesson MIP has had for me in recent times revolves around not repeating past mistakes. Moving on to new things, new people, new ways of thinking. Not repeating the past. Breaking habits. I think people can change. I'm trying to make sure I preserve the good while working out the bad. But it's been confusing.       So, I hope that I'm not the only one learning. I hope other people see what truly happened in my life and learn something from it. Whatever they may learn. I want them to learn something. I don't want to be the only one learning. I don't want to be bubble boy. I just want to be. Without being miserable. Preferably. But alive is good too. It's just wierd how people move back and forth between "You're not taking us seriously enough" and "Don't be so serious. Relax." Relaxing can be hard to do. 

     Anger is a natural human emotion. It helps us learn about trust. It tells us when our boundaries have been violated. It helps us learn about the world. It helps other people learn about us. What's ok. What's not OK. Some things are not OK. But at a certain point its time to stop being angry. While learning from what caused the anger. That's why I want people to learn about woodruff road. So the world can have less anger. But denying anger makes it worse. I don't remember any apologies from the wrongdoers. That's what bothers me. But I cant let what happened control me. No matter how wrong it was nor how many red flags were missed. Because the world isn't responsible for my anger. Projecting my anger against people who did no wrong or continuing to be angry at unrepentant people makes no sense. I can't force people to recognize thier errors. I can't force people to repent. I am not justice. I'm a person. 

     It really is a relief to have my healthcare behind a firewall. It gives me peace. It makes me happy. I have privacy and control again. With Prichards, I wasn't getting what I needed. Leaves knew. Molly knew. Even Arson knew. Now I have room to breathe. That's why I know I'll be ok. Not because of a dx code or a med or thc. Because I have control. And room to breathe. And I'm grateful for that. 

Dear Friend,      I hope you've been well. I know it's been a long time. My hope was that by reaching out to you, we could shut down some of the nonsense and the running around. Some of the lying and the poor boundaries and the threats and other abusive conduct. The God Complexes. Stuff like that.      I hope that is what is happening. I'm not trying to stir up the hornets, but I was asked to bring some things to your attention by multiple people in the community. We just want to slow down some of the med trains and the lying. Be more productive and engage in less BS. I hope that we can do that.       Otherwise, they'll be looking for another hospital or center or hole to stick me in. And it's sad when you become allergic to people. But it's been rough. Two comas. Lots of running around and drugs. I'm counting on you and my team. I know there are people that want to help. I'm trying to help too. Some people don't listen.   ...

     Good news. We worked out a few kinks in the program. My families and I have been deep in disjointed discussions. We're changing the approach. Smoothing out some edges. Less specific. Going with a more PG theme. You'll be hearing more from the Tales from the Attick gang. Improving our boundaries.       Maybe a little less serious and confrontational when we have to talk again? That would be great. Tweaking the recipe a bit. Just a few more names and details to change. Maybe get things back down to a PG-13ish. Perhaps if I return, no talk of legal actions or jails? Threats aren't conducive. Thanks. All the one-way communication isn't working well. I still think Robin Williams is a good template, but we're learning as we go.

     Molly hab many secwets. Spidey hab many eyes, doh. 6 eyes, eight legs. The eyes see different tings. But Spidey's onto glue. Many spiders and dragonflies reporting back. Di Itsy Bitsies stand by. Ebben di search bats, just in case. Spidey catches a ride on Vlad sumtimes. Udder times...     Vlad's always had a weakness for di A-. One night, Vlad was missing and the window was open. There were broken branches in the Southern Trees. Eddie started sniffing around. Before Spidey gnew it, we were riding hard towards the Blood Connection. Dat Bat.      Ennyways, Molly hab many secwets. She's been keeping a pew. But Spidey berry perceptive. She nebber wanted to clean house. She's very surgical when she cleans. Berry pwecise. Just a pew nuts to gadder. A pew leabes to prune. Dat's all. Berrrrry delicate, Molly is. She just doesn't like wildfires. She keeps her Arson limited. Berry limited. Because Arson can only do so much. Arson is a blunt instrument...