Darkness Until Dawn

Not to be egotistical, but if someone wanted to codify some restrictions on medicalized perfection and human experimentation, I think calling it the Greener Healthcare Act would make sense. Healthcare in Greenville could certainly be Greener. Limits on what doctors can do. Especially in mental health situations. I'd like it to ban Clozaril.

That accounting education is really coming back to help me. Auditing. Undue influence. Boundaries. It makes sense.  I've been thinking about specialization, comparative advantage and Narcissism. Being too good, or thinking you are... reminds me of Nazis.

So, when I'm not doing the life stuff or playing that game (The nurses found my game play amusing), I've been thinking about how it ends. The chaos. You know, someone asked me once why I didn't sweat while working so hard in physical labor. Anger, Clozaril, Dissociation. That's how. A lack of connection to reality. Medicalized perfection. That is the chaos.  How does it end? By not idealizing each other. By engaging with reality. By not dissociating. Oh, I know some dissociators. They'll deny it till the end of their days, most likely. Most of them are doctors. But I think everyone dissociates sometimes. The brain wants to rationalize its reality. Gets overworked trying to explain things that have no reasonable explanation. Burns out. Looks like ADHD, PTSD, Borderline, Bipolar, things like that. You can deny the research. You can engage with your lies. Don't ask me to. I'm too tired and too angry. It's a multistate clusterfuck. Sometimes people just need...

     See, I'm confident. That despite the fact that they own the house and the car, I won't be homeless. They won't threaten me. Not when there's people watching. Not when the hospitals, the law, Public Health, and just about the entire state of South Carolina knows pretty much everything. And I won't go back. Because I'm tired and on fewer meds like Clozaril. There's many names for my life. Fear of Harm is one. Stockholm syndrome is another. Overmedicalization is another. Undue Influence. Multistate Clusterfuck.       They'll still idealize me. They'll still push. But I need to FOCUS on REAL LIFE. Even if that means having the law stand between myself and my families. I need to focus on the cooking and cleaning and trying to get emotionally regulated again. So the government can work this out for good. I'm divorcing my families. Leaving the bubble. De-cultifying. As quietly as they allow me to do that. I know people are watching. I know there ar...

Like the pine trees linin' the windin' road I've got a name, I've got a name Like the singin' bird and the croakin' toad I've got a name, I've got a name And I carry it with me like my daddy did But I'm livin' the dream that he kept hid Movin' me down the highway Rollin' me down the highway Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by Like the north wind whistlin' down the sky I've got a song, I've got a song Like the whirlpool whirl and the baby's cry I've got a song, I've got a song And I carry it with me and I sing it loud If it gets me nowhere, I'll go there proud Movin' me down the highway Rollin' me down the highway Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by And I'm gonna go there free Like the fool I am and I'll always be I've got a dream, I've got a dream They can change their minds but they can't change me I've got a dream, I've got a dream Oh, I know I could sha...

Things got outta hand, yeah. So, I cleaned the kitchen a bit. Put up some clothes. Cat's looking good. Printer won't cut me a break this time. Drivers seem out of date. I may have to contact them. Edit the forms electronically. Technically, I'm still me, but less entangled.  I looked up cults, and I found this: The psychology of cults involves understanding how groups can exert undue influence over individuals, leading to manipulation, control, and potential harm. Cults often exploit vulnerabilities and employ various psychological tactics to break down an individual's sense of self and loyalty, replacing it with a collective identity and devotion to the group and its leader.  Key Psychological Factors: Traumatic Narcissism: Cult leaders often exhibit narcissistic traits, using manipulation, control, and emotional blackmail to establish a bond of dependence with followers.  Group Cohesion: Intense group activities, rituals, and a sense of belonging can create a stron...