Darkness Until Dawn

Vlad!! STOP AXKING WHERE DI BLOOD STAND IS! Dat Bat. Nebber a dull moment. Spidey just wanted to go to di beach, ride di wabes, but noooooo... der is he is again. He's behind di udder sand dune. UHOH! He saw Fwed. Di seagulls are patrolling di beaches. Der he goes... he's getting flappy... He's got his SPF 50... now he's flying apter anudder blonde. Dat Bat.  Spidey likes di sea shells... sun radder bright, doh.  Uh oh, dey spotted him. He's hiding behind anudder dune. He's covering himself in sunscreen and gull fedders. He's making a break for it! Der's a redhead! Anudder Blonde! Der goes a Brunette! He darts! He Dashes!  Here's a gween wun. Spidey try on. Go for crawl. Fit rite in wit di cwabs. Di wabes... di sand... Maybe Spidey surf. Di shell looks seaworthy. Where is dat bat... ?

     I just woke up from a dream. I dreamt that I had gone to MIP from the ER. That I was thinking of suing the hospital. That I was working with the FBI. But its not true. They didn't say we need to ship this guy outta state. They did ship me out of state. I'm back in MA. I'm back at Fort McClean. I'm with Conner.  But there's a guy down there. His name is Angry. He's having one of those out of body experiences. He's thinking he's working with FBI. He's bitter and a little bit broken. Angry's been around the block a few times. He's hallucinating lawsuits. He stops breathing sometimes. He's lashing out a bit. Angry a little too close. He needs to step back. He's scaring people.

Ultimate Admiral: Dreadnoughts Black Ops Games Elder Scrolls Online Age of Empires Series (AOM too) C&C SWTOR Call of Duty Age of Darkness Tennis Game

Spidey a liddle sensitive. Maybe a liddle more distress tolerance. Everything on a spectrum. Past experience puts people on all the spectrums.  I think I'm seeing patterns too. Hypersensitivity from childhood chaos. Goes in different directions. Hypermedicalization.  Multilingual family = Central Auditory Processing Disorder Academic success oriented =adhd Toxic masculinity = bipolar  Failure or guilty conscience = depression  Not enough time outside = allergies Too much medical = rebound or chronic inflammation  Cbt = idealization and unrealistic thinking Dbt = reality Eastern medicine = more harmony based, less fixit Autism = sensory chaos in general Well, I think MIP was overshooting. I think I need to be delusional on occasion. Otherwise, I check out. 

     This is when I need to do my crazy old man thing and ramble. So, if you'll indulge my delusionality, I hear things from time to time. Being concerned as I am. In a slightly fixated way. I'm feeling some resentment. About being pushed. Psychologically. Around. And the egotistical types that do the pushing. But maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion. Yet I want to help people. And I feel like... I've not been able to. I need a lot of space. I need to separate from different groups of people. There are certain things I need to not think about. I can't be on everyone's side at once. I certainly can't defend Prichards to Springbrook. I can't play Springbrook vs mip. And im certainly not finding a new Center or provider to blame. I trusted what artstick was doing. Like leaves and Elle and in a way prichards, she had to go away. Vacations are good. They are. Sometimes people need to go away. Like me from memorial or me from... well Springbrook... and m...

What some people think is funny, I consider serious, and vice versa. People can take things all sorts of ways, so in group settings it's important to be careful what you encourage. That's why I'm concerned about hospitals. Because some providers coming out of those hospitals have done dangerous things. I didn't have the right boundaries. I misplaced trust in some major ways. Maybe people knew less then. Maybe some Psychiatrists simply prefer to ignore established research that they don't understand and don't want to understand. I need to be able to trust. be less angry. And I can't be honest with people that lie to me. I can't protect liars. Or overmedicators.

     Ok, so here's my idea. That Arson gave me. What we can do is improve the system. Granted, I never worked in audit and my memory isn't totally cohesive, but... If we do this Patch Adams style... keeping in mind the deteriorative effect of trauma on health, we can improve South Carolina Health care. One ego centric doctor at a time.