Darkness Until Dawn

Im told im odd. And I've been analyzed near to death. But I've spent time in some odd places. Some people stay in the same place. They stay with the same people. I've met all sorts. I've gotten to know so many people so well. My favorites are the more mild mannered guys or the women.  And yeah I have a special place in my heart for nurses. It's a little embarrassing. But... they work hard.  I've met some strong personalities. I used to talk more. These days I've been more selective about talking. Tired of the conversations. Sometimes I take a while. I observe. I watch the dynamics. Individual personalities. Mannerisms. Gauging different people. Sometimes I just learn. Other times I make more of a surgical strike. By this age most people know the things they want to say and to which people. Im getting some of that. But I like to get a feel for a crowd and be selective with my conversation. Because I can talk up a storm... but it gets tiresome. There were time...

I guess I've been holding too much in. By the end of tax season i was coming apart. I loved doing it so much. About 180 returns. I pushed too hard. But they needed me. We were short. And I met so many people. All sorts. White trash. Blacks. Hispanics. Asians. Rich and poor. I did my first farmer.  It was fun. Lotta Cs. Some Es. A few strange characters. But I did love doing it. That's why it was hard to stop. But then I compared to a similar level person. I was doing twice what she did. She was about to cry. I've got to not push so hard. But I love meeting the people.

 Sometimes When I'm very dissociative I start laughing and crying at the same time. It reminds me of that purple heart guy. Sometimes When things build up you just go in different directions at the same time. Like that joker character. Wierd type of angry sad overwhelmed

I've met many people who have heard voices. There was this one guy on CL. He had a female hallucination that he was friends with. I don't remember his name or the hallucinations name. But it was interesting listening to him talk about thier relationship. It seemed strange at the time. But I was heavily medicated. Now I have several. I don't consider them friends. They're parts of me.

So sometimes I hear voices... one sounds like a sort of cyborg... One sounds like an angry old man One sounds more like a young woman One sounds like an adult woman One sounds like a kid One doesnt have a particular sound One sounds more like the me I've know most my life And the last sounds like a young man They have songs too...

Spidey get obberwhelmed. Ebbyday, Spidey say, DIS WILL BE DI THREAD TO RAVEL ALL COBWEBS! ... den its just a bunch ob tred.

I hope I'm getting the point across that trying to control people or make ridiculous amounts of money is bad. That circling the wagons and groupthink is self-destructive in the end. That cover ups are bad. Because if you still think that no one is trying to cover something up, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING INTELLIGENCE. I'm just waiting for a judge to rule on this once and for all. So people will stop fucking around with each other and with the medical system. That my fucking life mission. Fing DEAL WITH IT. I get to have emotions too. You don't have to be around them. It's not a prerequisite. No one is God. NO ONE. So in a sense I am religious. Because I believe that God has given me this mission. To keep certain damn people in their fucking places. As publicly as they make necessary. To keep this state quiet and safe. Cuz this is so stupid. And I had help getting me here. MIP. Didn't teach boundaries. Didn't have independence. Prichards. That Psychologist that taught at...