Darkness Until Dawn

There was someone that I followed... it started a long time ago.  I was 17... one of my darkest times... I needed a voice to bring me out. That voice was there. She was roughly half a dozen years older. Bright voice... full of life. Easy smile... very open.  It was a voice I kept to to keep me steady for 21 years, on and off. A voice to give me strength. It was an easy voice to remember.  I heard it a few more times, from time to time. The last time I heard that voice, I was 38. I'm thankful that voice was there.  I've drawn too much attention to that voice. More attention then that voice needed. I'm just thankful that voice was there. It kept me here so many times. When other voices would get loud, I recalled that voice. That voice is gone. I let it go. I'm a bit more steady now. Closer to the ground. I no longer need to cling to that voice and its reassurances and encouragements, which were many. Laugh was like music. That voice had a steady hand with me. She wasn...

The echoes of the city, they slowly fade with time... There beyond the meadows... locked within the vines... Streams of sunlight bearing down This place that once was mine. Here the ancient pillars stand, holding up the wall... Carved into the weathered stone... are records of my fall.. And faded is the mirror there With an image one can't recall. Papers cast upon the stone, beside a pool of water... Letters written long ago... the pain that I begot her... And even as it fades away Yet again it stirs... To remind me not to bring my sorrow Back beyond that wall. Looking up the footprints fall, across a field of mud... Washing in... the memories play, of the times before the flood... A bird, it picks at crumbs of what Was shared in heart and blood. Where the faded footprints pass, is a mystery in my mind... As the voices call again, so stretches out the vine... The clock it will not wind again... Surrender this... to time.

 Well, it's back to this. The one thing the professionals can all agree on. Boundaries. I've started wearing earplugs almost 24/7. Even with them on, I hear more then I need to hear. Funny thing is, with tone of voice and other nonverbals, yo entiendo Espanol. More or less. Comprendo italiano. More or less. As far as the Hablo and the parlano, that's where I run into trouble. Funny thing is, sometimes I like hispanics more then Italians. Maybe I'll give up on English, Italian, and Spanish and learn... well, there's always binary. That's just a lot of 1s and 0s.  I'm trying to keep my communications spaced out. Use fewer words. Now people are like, we want to "lay eyes on you". So I'm having people do that. If enough people do that, maybe everyone else can find something else to talk about and think about. So back to the Self Care School of thought. My coursework has been extensive. I've passed all the hobby electives. I've got the three...

Moving away, and then back towards The magnetism, I can't avoid You pull me in, I push away You're back again, you're here to stay. You've got your words, and I've got mine We've said enough, we've had our time Tell me what you want to hear... Do you miss the old times we had together? I've been walking in my mind. Past the oceans of my thoughts... finding respite from expectations that quickly rise and fall. And as I pass the memories, And there is joy within my soul once again. Quietly I set my pace... away from the words that others place... And though they come to judge again... I let them say their peace. Ignoring all the sneers. For sneers and snarls are easy friends... That does not make them right.  They will never like my words, They may not like my pace... But in my time I do forgive... Let them have their hate. ©️ 2025, Accountec, LLC

It was a customer from out of state. She came in, I was the one available. I try not to be a counselor when doing taxes. It wasn't even a tax matter. Yet she wouldn't go away till she was heard. She needed a voice of reason.  Whether someone had told her the wrong thing at a tax office, whether she had constructed it, or whether someone at the company responsible for the specific problem involved had misspoken, whether someone in her family or in the world had given her the wrong idea, or whether it was just bad policy, no one will ever know.  Sometimes I want to help too much. And she was triggered out the wazoo. Bills to pay. Refund was stuck somewhere. I'm pretty sure most people in that office heard just about everything she had to say. Sometimes it's like that. You work the day shift, you take walk ins, you get problems from other places. Other people. Other companies sometimes. There was a specific policy and a different company and a different office in a differe...

     Well, This boundary was recommended by the Psychiatrist. This one carries LPC Branding. I like the Social Worker Brand. Soft on the eyes. Hmmmmm... this one is faded.... The lettering on this one is not clear... This one is too bright... red's not a good color for boundaries. This boundary doesn't have enough starch. Throw them all in the washer. Fabric softener makes these boundaries go over well. Hmm.. this boundary could use a little vinegar right here. Do I have enough boundaries? There's a store for that too, I'm sure. Found some boundaries over here. These boundaries aren't working anymore. I'll give them away. They work for somebody. I don't like the Busybody Brand. The MindYourOwnDamnBusiness Brand. That's one I can live with. Do they make t shirts? Maybe I'll put it on a tie.  Changed my emergency contacts. Old ones not working for me anymore. What's this one's phone number? LPC-WOR-K4ME. Yes, that's the number. I can rememb...

Dissociative Disorders like DID and Borderline have a lot in common. These people have bad boundaries. They tend to lose themselves in other people. They have patterns They return to the same places, same people, time after time. Oftentimes they are runners. They misplace trust. This is nothing new. McClean knows this. MIP knows this. Most every mental health organization or counselor out there knows this. The thing is, all this starts somewhere. You learn this somewhere. It all comes back to those same places and people you started with, The places and people that you trusted first. The ones that taught you to learn how to walk, to read, to trust in the first place. Dissociative Disorders start somewhere, You wanna find the origins? You don't have to look far. It starts before you end up at one of these places. You trace the footsteps back, you track the running... it walks all the way back... back home. Bad boundaries are learned. They are taught. When you have a Dissociative Dis...