Darkness Until Dawn

July was fading into August and the growing detachment inside of her was something she still didn’t understand. All she knew was, the farther away from home she got, the less she felt, and if she didn’t stop moving soon she’d feel nothing at all. She was searching for somewhere She had been in the game long enough to know the rules. She had bounced from one foster home to another and yet the only home she truly knew was the one place they wouldn’t take her. After they took her away, for about the first 6 months or more she didn’t get it. She just was the same little Annie she had always been… waiting to be taken back home to her family. Then reality caught up. She realized not just that she was never going back, but that these homes that they took her to were not interested in little Annie. No, they all had their own expectations and motives. So she finally began to pretend. She would pretend to be what they wanted in the hope that they would leave her alone. She surprised herself at h...

The full strength of the storm had set itself against me and I had prevailed. In all honesty, it was not even a proper mountain, merely a glorified hill. And yet it had been my Everest. The shrieking wind was suddenly silent, the echoes in the distance faded away. Even the chill in my bones felt some relief… it wasn’t that the cold had gone, but a warmth had kindled within. You might argue that the exertion had warmed me, but I would argue it was hope. Blind hope, perhaps even reckless hope… but the thought of somehow finding a way out of here…. It warmed my bones like nothing else could.  Yet the hope that had kindled quickly sputtered back into mere embers. This hill that was meant to be my salvation (though I knew not HOW), was little more then a rise of earth crowned by strewn stones and a faded, fractured crystal rock near the center. It appeared as if there had once been walls and a central tower on this rise. The presence of the crystal mystified me, however.  Yet this ...

I have lost my way before, it's true. I have retreated into the distance, pulling back from the world in pursuit of shelter from the storm. But this... this perversion of existence I am now facing... I could not have imagined it. Before I had more questions then answers, and I yearned for those answers and the clarity I thought they would bring. But now... now there are no answers at all. Worse, I fear the answers so intensely that I no longer seek them. After so long of feeling lost, without purpose, without shelter... I feel like I have to redefine those words to incorporate this new reality.  It's been days here in this void, stumbling through the darkness. I know not what this place is or why I'm here. I have no map, nor compass or path to guide me. Even the stars are denied to me. The fog that surrounds me does not discriminate between earth and sky.  The air is cold and colder still... by now the chill echoes in my bones, as if the very air is trying to assault me. Wi...

I can honestly say I never understood the world. I was naïve. The people around me told me I had to change, to be like them. I wanted to, but I could not. So instead, I changed in other, much different ways, till eventually I did not recognize myself anymore. As the world around me demanded more and more of me I tried less and less because the gap between what I could do and what they wanted was already a canyon. I wanted to be like them. I envied their communication skills, their focus, and above all their organization and ability to make sense of things. I wanted to jump that canyon. I didn't want to be a project, I wanted to be a success, but still be me. And eventually I would try to jump a canyon, though not successfully. For now, I learned to live in the shadows. The further you slip into the shadows the less they notice you. At first, it was almost like a beautiful serenity, like an emancipation. I no longer cared what they wanted, what they thought, what they demanded. And ...

I am the Watcher. I watch the night. And when it’s not looking, I chase the light. - ShadowsNdust And so I came to fear this night that was falling across all of my life. I still had more questions then answers. Why was this happening? Why me? Why was it getting worse? Was there a way to stop it? If couldn’t stop it, where would this all end? When the night strikes, there is no concept of innocense. When the night strikes, it destroys things. Nothing is more powerful then the night. But I quickly came to realize that I was the only one who could blunt its blows. I was the only one who could contain it. So I watch the Night, every minute of every hour. The Night is relentless. The danger is constant. So I must be vigilant. I must be ready when the night strikes. And maybe, over the next horizon, dawn awaits… Light! Cascading down in a stream so luminous that one cannot fathom darkness, so clear that you cannot imagine haze. The sun, rising in the morning, slowly, silently, the massive s...

  I lost my way back in my youth My hard sought honor withering before the truth This path I walked, I walked alone.  This world a harder place then I had known. I hated the witheredd silence They sent me away from both family and friend In all those days that I was apart Drugs saved my life but broke my heart. I pleaded with God to help me come back Prayers and hopes that I will not retract. Every day I asked him this Steady the way to recovering what was missed I claim these caverns as mine alone.  My gentle soul sheltered within the stone. Whenever I seek shelter from the storm. I close my eyes and come back home. She has an entire cavern of her own The Muse I haunted all alone Her laughter still lights up my heart I do not care about this story I find in this no pride nor glory I pay my penance in restless discord Then the quiet comes to put away the sword. Rays of light cut through the maw And play the memories of what I saw I am myself, a simple and sad one Now I mu...

  Somehow I have failed again. I didn't see this coming. I saw the signs, but he had promised, time after time, that we would figure it out together, that he would be there when I needed him. Then he disappeared, and I still wanted to believe,  even after all the hard words, the disdain and accusations, the lies, the unethical conduct, the experiments, the deflection of blame, the self glorification...  We tried. You know we did. We gave heart and soul to that man. He said he was like our father and we were like his son. Then he decided to let us die. I was telling you. You didn't listen. you were letting him hurt us, gaslight us, try to destroy us. Cover up his tracks. The unreturned calls? The pharmacy in the dark? the team caught off guard? The nurse disappearing, he stopped talking to us like a doctor. He talked like a lawyer, and used that sugary, pretend reasonable tone with others, to gaslight them too, and some still don't see it.  You're going to make everyo...