Merry Chwistmas to all, and to all a good byte!

Found Her

     It was two years ago, I think. My memory has always been a bit shaky. We weren't close. Her name was Arianna. She was my cousin. Honestly we were never close. I heard the news on Christmas. I understand they found her on the floor. Like I said we were never close. All I really knew is that she was troubled. The last time I saw her was at her father's last wedding. I remember because she came in the room, walked up beside me, never said a word to me, eventually walked back out. I had to ask someone, because I hadn't seen her in years... was that Arianna? Yes, that was my cousin. In my defense, she had never struck me as the most approachable person. Actually, my earliest memory of her is when she was like 4, and we were visiting, and I greeted her, and her response was "Bitch". I was really more surprised then I was upset. When she overdosed I think she was not yet 30.

God willing and the Hospital will hear

    So, if my family is as innocent as they say, then that only leaves the hospital. My concern is that it's happened twice now. Once at CCBH and once at Memorial. They keep diagnosing me psychotic when I'm not psychotic. I'm told there's not much SC DHEC can do about that. My concern is that at some point in the future I'll need to go back to the hospital for some reason or another. Last time at memorial I was more careful about my communication. I made sure to be very clear about what the problem was, what I needed, etc. I have discussed with my team writing a letter to the hospital administration about my concerns. If they are not part of the problem, they can be part of the solution. I need to stop the cycle of changing my diagnoses and my symptoms to match the prejudices of the staff. It's not actually helping anyone. 

    I don't have the energy that I had when I was younger, and I'm losing patience for this, especially when it devolves into long hospital stays, threats, or not getting what I need. I had this desire for Memorial to be on my side, seeing as my family has been so long associated with that hospital. I think that they would prefer to be on the same side, but can't see past their own preconceptions and the legacy of Prichards. Thing is, I don't think even Prichards would be proud of the hospital's behavior. He was all about listening and acting based on facts. He had his own faults and preconceptions, but he would not defend the lack of listening that has been going on. I believe he would find it against his principles. 

    Thankfully, for now, unless I'm in some unexpected accident or unforeseen circumstances, I doubt I will be back at the hospital any time soon. I really like the way the medication is working right now. I have a detailed understanding of how each medication contributes to the full picture. I know what to expect if I happen to run out or we have to adjust a dose. The routine has become much more predictable. 

    I'm focusing on keeping my days consistent. Every day, Repeating the same habits, keeping it simple. I'm turning my attention back to All the Colors of the Rainbow for a bit.